On August 5, 2020, we hosted a webinar with special guest David Muguercia of Revival Investigations, a private investigation firm. These are his tips on how to catch a cheater.
Watch a replay of the webinar at the end of this post.
Be Honest with Yourself
Before trying to catch a cheating spouse, the first thing you should do is be honest with yourself about your relationship. Sometimes, we like to tell ourselves that everything in our marriage is going smoothly, but that isn’t always the case. Take the time to introspect and ask yourself these questions:
- Is my relationship with my spouse healthy?
- Do I sense that something is off?
- Has my spouse’s attitude toward me changed? Does he/she still complement me?
- Does my spouse seem easily distracted during or uninterested in family activities?
- Is there increased spending that is strange or unexplainable?
- Is my spouse away from home for hours with no explanation?
Your answer to some of these questions can give you some insight into your relationship with your spouse and may reveal reasons to be suspicious of infidelity. However, keep in mind that there may be other reasons for strange behavior in a spouse.
Look for Signs
There are plenty of signs in a spouse’s behavior that may tell us they are cheating. When circumstances change, behavior changes. But if there are no life changes that you know of, and your spouse’s behavior has changed, you may have reason to believe that they are unfaithful.
Some signs of cheating may be obvious to you, while others may not. If you’ve answered the questions above and don’t like the answers, here are some signs to look out for:
- Your spouse has a newfound interest in getting in shape. They have never gone to the gym before or been interested in exercise or dieting, but all of a sudden, they are going to the gym every day, dieting, or taking booster pills/supplements for no apparent reason.
- They are suddenly working long hours or taking “detours” after work. They used to come home at the same time regularly, but are now coming back late. They might start “going places” after work, and may become defensive when asked where.
- They are hiding text messages and call logs on their cell phone. They may be unusually protective of their phone, taking it with them everywhere, and may seem panicked if you reach to grab their phone. They may be deleting texts and calls.
- They do not answer their cell phone calls during work hours or at home. They may be trying to hide their location from you if they are supposed to be at work, or hiding incoming calls from you.
- They get frequent calls that they quickly hang up on. Again, they may be trying to hide incoming calls and messages from you, and do not want to pick the phone up in front of you so you can’t know who is calling.
- They look for opportunities to be alone. Maybe they don’t want to participate in family activities anymore or are avoiding date night. They might spend more time alone in another room or outside the house.
- They suddenly start to “check out” other people. Your spouse has never done this before and starts to look at other people they find physically appealing. They may get defensive if you ask about it, and try to hide their wandering eye.
- They don’t want to have sex as often. While there can be real medical reasons for this, changes in sexual behavior from a spouse can be a bad sign. They may not show sexual interest in you like they used to, or are more likely to reject your advances.
- They refuse to talk about relationship problems. You were able to speak to your spouse about marital issues and resolve them, but not anymore. They don’t seem to care or want to improve the marriage.
Though many of these signs can happen for reasons other than cheating, they may be telling of a spouse who is having an affair.
How to Catch a Cheater
Catching your spouse cheating can be difficult, but it is not impossible. While you can always hire a private investigator to follow your spouse and find out if they are unfaithful, there are certain steps you can take to catch them in the act yourself.
You can catch a cheater by:
- Using a GPS device. Only do this if you are legally married to your partner and the vehicles are registered jointly. Otherwise, you’ll be getting into hot water legally. Use the device to check the patterns of where your spouse is going, particularly to those places they frequently stop at before arriving at home. Note the addresses of these locations. If you have hired a PI firm, call your investigator and provide them with those addresses. You can purchase a GPS device on Amazon.
- Checking your phone statement. Check the call log for repeated calls to or from the same number, especially those with long call times.
- Checking the back of your closet. Look for condoms or anything you don’t recognize inside jackets, suits, pants, pockets, etc.
- Planting a bug device in your cars. You can purchase an N9 Ear Bug on Amazon or eBay. This is a small device you can place under seats in your vehicles. You will need a working SIM card from a cellphone provider so that you can call the device and listen in on conversations. Keep in mind that it is illegal in Florida to record a call or conversation without consent.
- Creating a comprehensive report with your PI. If you have hired a private investigator, ask to complete a comprehensive report. This report will include an in-depth look at your utilities, phone bills, and any other service bills that can show a pattern of usage. You may also want to check for email addresses you don’t recognize that your spouse may be using to create fake accounts for social media or porn sites.
- Downloading the Netwa app on your phone. If your spouse is using Whatsapp or Telegram, Netwa will act as a spy. It tracks profile activity and tells you when someone is logged on, how many minutes their session lasted, and it keeps track of this data for you.
- Recovering phone and tablet data. If you can get a hold of your spouse’s phone or tablet, you can hire a professional to recover data, such as messages and phone numbers, that your spouse may have deleted to hide from you.
- Hiring a private investigator. Surveillance is the most efficient way to carry out this type of investigation. But, be careful! You must hire an investigator that is fully licensed and has experience in infidelity investigations.
What NOT To Do
While it is important to find the truth and peace of mind, it is most important to remain safe and carry out your investigation legally. Here are things you SHOULD NOT DO while trying to catch a cheater:
- Do not accuse your spouse of cheating. This is never a good idea. Your spouse may try to manipulate the situation, and change their strategy and patterns to stop you from catching them. They may also become defensive, and in extreme cases, violent.
- Do not follow your spouse. It may not be safe for you to follow your spouse, even from a distance. If you want surveillance on your spouse, it is always best to hire a private investigator.
- Do not buy spy products at a spy shop. Devices at spyware or investigator stores are always overpriced. Check eBay, Amazon, or other online stores for the best prices.